brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
