is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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