I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
