Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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