I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
