He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
