ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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