all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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