i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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