Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He better not be in your backpack
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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