you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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