Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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