its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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