Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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