My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
