It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
