i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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