OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
