I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
