i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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