i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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