I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
