he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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