i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
