I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
