i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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