I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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