In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
