I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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