remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
