I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
