I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
