mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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