super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
