but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
