used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
