How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
