and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
