the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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