My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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