i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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