I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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