I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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