Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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