its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
