why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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