I cannot find my penis.
she woke up with a sticky ear
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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