New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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