i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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