So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's never too late to be topless.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
