Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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