Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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