I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
