Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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