dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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