I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
