You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
