so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
