dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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