the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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