Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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