The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize