she was so not down for the gang bang
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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