I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
