he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
