Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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