Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
