i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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