I heard we made out
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
