btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
