i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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