Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
