Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
